parker talks about stuff… from jess howard on Vimeo.
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you throw hope up in the air...
From the category archives:

What bugs me?
~food in my teeth
~food in your teeth
~wayward facial hair
~egg in soup
~mornings
~teachers who silently judge
~10% tips
~fruit in food, i like my fruit by itself thank-you
~leopard print
~lighters out of fluid
~quoting philosophers or self-help books
~bugs flying around my head while i try to sleep
~private school girls
things i like
~feline head butts
~watching polaroids develop
~when it gets dark early
~being out in a city at night
~waking up in the country
~loud music
~boys and guitars, at the same time
~filet mignon, medium rare
~kisses and hugs from my kids
~20% tippers
~ hair cuts with razors
~wearing black
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We really do feel alone. We really do.
Over the yummiest soup, looking out at the lake, i wondered how far i could swim before i would drown.
It becomes a habit. This holing up. These days of offices in bed. The connection to all the people making you feel cool one moment and like a total failure the next.
I have this annoying habit of developing huge crushes on musicians. Something about words and music and feelings. With books and writers it's the words, not them. I have crushes on books, stacking my favourites beside my bed. Giving them loving looks and caresses as i fall asleep.
Those things you said about me were very mean and hurt my feelings.
I'm surprised when people want to be my friend. It surprises me and sometimes i leap in their arms and beg them to never, ever leave me. Other times i push them away by never answering their calls or requests, saying no to get-togethers and invitations. I'm surprised the friends i do have tolerate me. Especially when i call them or show up at their door in tears in the middle of the night.
I'm surprised how many of us are alone.
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It's hard being canadian today. Being canadian and knowing what my neighbours are doing tomorrow may have some drastic effects on me, my family, my country.
We are all talking about it. What will happen to our economy. What will happen to yours. Will you still have a home next year. A job.
Will our conservative government be given a boost by yours.
How did all of this become such a mockery all over the internet. At what point is all of this not so fnny anymore. Tomorrow there may not be all that much to laugh at.
I know that i have hope. Hope that a great country can stand up for rights and freedoms and progress. That we can all share a sigh of relief in twenty four hours.
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Sometimes when i'm feeling in the dumps i like to take a step back and think about things that make me happy or sad. It helps to pull things out one at a time, compartmentalize them. Each one a little thing that i can tuck away and save and accept.
Today i am thinking about things i appreciate and in no particular order i came up with these things:
~ warm showers
~ kisses in the morning
~ cheese
~ arugula
~ my new winter boots
~ sleeping in
~ composting
~ recycling
~ gardening
~ excellent local wines
~ good friends
~ late nights
~ costumes on other people
~ big tips
~ my childrens faces when they are sleeping
~ the sound of my children laughing
~ smiles with eyes
~ a knowing wink
~ music
~ songwriters
~ when i take a really great photo
~ espresso drinks made with love
~ homemade pasta
~ weekends without plans
~ modern medicine and homeopathy mixing together
~ all the things my mom taught me
~ my sister listening and giving good advice
~ sleeping
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