Mondo Beyondo has started and it is so very challenging. Challenging in a terrifying and beautiful way.
Putting pen to paper, not fingers to keyboard. There is something so different about that. In a strange way it is so much harder to be truthful and honest with yourself in ink. A piece of paper that is so fleeting, yet so permanent. It is like i am tattooing these words on my arm.
My dreams, my values, people that inspire me, finding hope to fill my empty heart. The part of my heart that is not filled by the great love that is my children. The very small list of people whom i cherish.
To change my life. To chase my dreams, whatever they may be.
Mondo has come at the perfect time. After years of challenges and loss and sickness i am ready to begin again. To take all the good and perfect things and let the rest fall on the path that is behind me. I am ready to be fresh faced and excited by the second half of my life.
I'm afraid i've lost my way.
I've been in a blip. A little slip. I've done and said some stupid things. It's not a surprise, but it caught me by surprise. Things were moving along, getting better.
I know exactly what it is. The change of season, all the different stresses. The new custody schedule. The loneliness. The lack of focus.
I love summer. I bloom and flow in summer. Roll with the punches. Hey! Nothings gonna get me down!
I always come around again and i know i will this time. I have exciting things happening this month.
I guess i don't have much to say today. That is how i feel. I don't have much to say and so i say nothing at all. I sit in my bed and i sleep and i read and i think. I need to add dreaming to that.
I finally feel organized. Money sorted out, appointments made, house clean, children happy.
And now it is my time. Time for me to become the person i want to be. Time to continue on my goal of challenging myself.
I have signed up for Mondo Beyondo in october. It's a nice, small step for me. I don't have to actually *see or talk* to anybody in person. I can't challenge myself too much all at once.
I also signed myself up for bookcamp in vancouver. Bookcamp happens to take place the day after my birthday, so it is my gift to myself.
I have this book rumbling through my heart and body. It has been knocking around in there for over a year and this is the year i'm going to spill it out onto page and paper.
Putting this all out there to create a little pressure for myself.
xo