So, i returned home from New York totally exhausted. I didn’t sleep very well while i was there and woke myself up snoring on the plane several times (sorry guys on either side of me.)
I had a good time and, as always, had some insights into my personality and saw lots of really great friends and met a bunch of new people.
While i was away Shane made a music video which includes some rather unflattering side shots of me, but i still like it nonetheless. Shane’s album is really great and i’m proud of him for getting it done, but, it is really hard for me to listen to because it’s all about our break up and years apart. But, if i learned anything on my trip it was how much i adore him and want to be near him forever.
It’s about this time in my weekend in New York that i start to really miss my family. It happens every time. I think it’s being around someone that really knows you.
Perhaps this is the fatal flaw in picking schmutzie and the palinode as my roommates. They are here, together. I’m just a fly on the wall in this room above Manhattan. Other years when i’ve had single, female roommates i’ve had the built in go to person. You leave your room together and you kind of naturally form this hangout bond.
I’ve also had some crappy luck. I got (another) UTI within hours of getting here and had to fork out way too much money to get antibiotics as a canadian. They start to work right away, but leave me feeling kind of crappy.
Anyway, i’m not really complaining. It’s just been a different experience this year. We are in a huge space and there are a metric tonne of people here. I think i’ve seen most of my friends and hung out and witnessed some pretty awesome moments. And, it’s only half over.
The run in Central Park for Tutus For Tanner was great. Really great. And if that’s the best thing that happens then it’s been totally worth it and a pretty fantastic weekend.
This was, hands down, my best BlogHer experience ever. no links. It's too hard and those of you will know i'm talking about you.
Sure i may have been the drunk girl on one (or two) occasions. And maybe i spent a lot of time alone. But, i also spent so many hours with great people it totally blew my mind. Really. Did i mention it took me 16 hours to get home? And that, upon arrival, i slept three hours before rushing to pick up my kids? and i also broke into tears in the chicago o'hare airport when they canceled my flight and said i wouldn't be home till the next day.
I went to one panel that inspired me and gave me magic. I went to the community keynote which was more than worth the price of admission. As an aside, as i type this i have every light in my house turned off and all the doors and windows open. It is hotter than hell here. And the only light the million bugs in my house are attracted to is my monitor. So, as i sit and try to put in words the amazing time i had i am being attacked by hundreds of bugs.
What i really took away was inspiration. I am so inspired.
I listened to someone talk of the magic that was happening at the conference and i talked to someone else about how much power we have and how we are missing it. That there must be a better way to go about it. We are so powerful. I realized that.
It had nothing to do with free shit, or recycling being thrown in the garbage, or walmart and pepsico. It was us. We are powerhouses. We do not need to sell a whole day of our website for a book, or a game, or a fucking girdle. Go out and buy those things. Buy them in your community, you'll do a lot more for your immediate wellness that way.
Instead, become writers. Become storytellers. Your story is amazing and beautiful and inspires. Strive to inspire. I was so thrilled that so many people came up and talked to me and said they loved my writing, my photos. I loved it. I was thrilled. This is work. This is my passion.
And i will name one name, those women who created blogher are amazing. They inspire.
So, anyway, i have this story to tell. It really has nothing to do with anything. But it's my story.
On saturday night as everything was winding down, it must have been 2am or later. I suddenly missed my kids. A heart-hurting miss. And i panicked. My first anxiety of the whole weekend. Oh my god, i'm never going to get home.
And somehow i was without shoes or my purse. And i freaked out. Freaked out. I am never going home, my credit cards, my passport gone. I longed to be on a plane. On my way with all the grumpy people looking towards home and the hours to endure between then and now.
I wandered back to all the places i had been. All the parties. What was that suite number? I called the police. I texted everyone. thank you for the business card. thank you for the quiet conversation. thank you for traveling from paris. thank you for baby ezra. thank you for inviting me to the party on walnut street. thank you for taking me to bed. thank you for that quiet chat in your room. thank you for being quiet in the morning. thank you for lunch and dinner in restaurants. thank you for being my "go to" person. thank you for spending so much time with me. thank you for hanging out in robes. thank you for that swag free party. thank you for your tattoo because it made me realize i didn't need one because you have it. thank you for being awesome in the vancouver airport.
And i gave up all hope. I was never going to see my kids again. I went up to the room and demanded wine. And we sat and chatted. It was 4am or later, i think. And then i looked at the foot of my bed and said "there's my shoes!"
I have had a great few days. A great few days that have left me on the verge of total exhaustion.
In preparation for taking off for chicago sometime in the next 36 hours i have been working a lot. A LOT. And i will work even more when i get back to make up for missing three shifts at work in the middle of the very busiest time of year. A time when we are NOT allowed to take time off.
Luckily for me i have a co-worker who happens to be one of my very best friends and understand how it is important for me to take off to this crazy conference that i can't afford so that i can feel a little bit more connected to this crazy internet life i have created. We have been planning how we will pull this off since i bought my tickets in january and low and behold the time is now and we worked it out and she is working a crazy week so that i may go and have some fun.
So, back to the good week i have had. I finished work extra early on friday night and headed into town and watched an open air concert, enjoyed some sushi with a cute and good person, had some beers with some other cute and good people and finished the night off with some tequila shooters that i probably should have avoided as i was spotted by a co-worker stumbling along the city streets at two in the morning.
Then on saturday the kids and i swam in the river which was incredible. Amidst hundreds of tubers we swam up current and floated back down. Magical.
Then! Last night at work my boss/owner of the restaurant called me in the middle of work and thanked me for my hard work and all the extra things i do and told me to take any bottle of wine i wanted. Any bottle. At first i wasn't going to take one because i was so happy just to get the appreciation. But then, any bottle? Really. It took me a whole day to decide and tonight i brought home a lovely italian wine that i have never tried and i put it up on my shelf. I am going to save that wine for the first time i cook dinner in my new home. My own home. I may have dinner with my kids or, hopefully, i will have someone special to share it with.
See you in chicago.