i miss your words

Life just ticks along. There are the good and the bad and, usually, something in between.

My legs are tired and my heart is beating. Training for a marathon again and realizing that the only person i’m trying to beat is myself. To cross the finish line and erase the crushing memory of dropping out last year just 6 kilometers from the end. It’s going well, i’m listening to my body without listening too hard. Plugging in the miles week after week. I think i’m a third of the way there. The one lesson i have learned in these two years of running is that it is never easy and 26.2 miles is a damn long way.

Most of my mental energy lately has been focused on parenting a teenager. Most days falling into bed wondering what happened to the girl i had last summer. I do my best and hope we come out the other side safe, healthy and happy.

Melancholy has been the theme this winter. Neither this nor that. Finding the peace in the unsettling and the joy in the sadness. Laughing when that’s all there is left.

The other day i was out for a walk with parker and a neighbor invited us to a party. He looked up at me and said “i like to party, but i always regret it the next day.” And that is the hilarious i find in the mundane. These kids. They are awesome.