Would it be strange to look inside other peoples heads? I was thinking about that.
Yesterday on my run i had an unfortunate case of gastrointestinal distress. What started as a simple “hmmm” along with a million other thoughts like: “What should i make for dinner. Pretty farm. Stupid shins. How far have i gone? How fast am i going? Oh! Pretty song. I like these lyrics. I feel tired. I feel great.” The feed that goes through my head when i’m running is like a constant stream of crap. It just all goes out, until there is nothing left except breathing and music.
Anyway, the “hmmm…” quickly became an uh-oh, rapidly followed by an “oh my god!” I stopped to walk, hold my arms above my head, crouch down – it was imminent. But that didn’t stop the rapid fire panic inside my head. After (i’ll spare you the during) when i got home i looked at my Garmin and saw that, despite all that drama (during which i didn’t bother to stop the timer) i had still finished my 10k in an hour and seven minutes. And you know what? I was proud! That’s how crazy running is.
Back to inside your head. I thought that what was going on inside my head during that roadside drama is pretty much how it is in there all the time, except the main characters and/or plot change. It’s a crazy storm in there and i fear that if anybody jumped in they would be very traumatized. This got me thinking of a young woman i work with. She is lovely and sweet and kind, but i can’t help noticing that every time i look at her when she thinks nobody is watching she’s either smiling or laughing, kind of a soft murmur on her lips.
So strange, these inside thoughts.
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when i ran a lot i always had the constant thoughts. and it was super intense because the option to occupy my mind with something else was unavailable which seemed to send my mind into a sort of panic mode. honestly, i’d be a little frightened by where my mind went sometimes. but a few times i’d reach a sort of nirvana … a kind of clarity that i’ve only touched on during meditations. THAT is what i miss most about running.