the help

It’s been a long two weeks. I haven’t worked. I haven’t run. I haven’t done anything.

But that’s not really true. I have spent more time with my family than i have in years. I spent Mother’s Day with my kids, the whole day, something i haven’t done in years.

I have had time to connect with each of them. To bake cakes, to make dinners, to read and play and laugh and giggle. It’s been really nice.

But. It’s also been very difficult. I miss not having the feeling that i am contributing to the household. I miss a sense of accomplishment when i finish a long run or have a really prosperous night at work. I miss not feeling like i need to feel appreciated. It’s hard to explain. When i stay at home i feel needy. Like i need to be acknowledged, be admired, do everything and do it all perfectly. And then nobody really says anything, or says the right thing and i feel unappreciated. It’s this vicious cycle and it’s all aggravated by crutches and pain and not exercising.