is there sunlight on your bed

Exhaustion – It is widespread in everyday life, but usually becomes particularly noticeable during heavy exercise. Mental fatigue, on the other hand, rather manifests in somnolence (sleepiness).

I suppose i have been exhausted for 14 years. Just the reasons have changed over time.

I miss writing. Reading. Sleeping. I miss so many things right now, but i have made a commitment to run this marathon and nothing will stop me now. Not pain or tears. Nothing. I find as the training gets harder and harder, both mentally and physically, my mental stamina and clarity focuses and refocuses until i am where i am today. I can’t tell you the title of the movie i watched on the weekend. I have trouble speaking in understandable sentences. Eloquence long since faded.

I have become a person on one singular path; unable to maintain, for the moment, the many strings i usually wind myself around.

I sit here today. At this desk, trying desperately to catch up, to let out the words that have been stomping around in my head over the past few weeks. But all i can come up with is fatigue and soreness and excitement. This pushing and pushing of physical capability has become so addictive that i am willing to give everything else up to see just how far i can go. When i run for more than two hours my mind and body meet at this mutual place where there is no pain and no thoughts – it’s just my feet moving and my lungs breathing and the music in my ears. It is zen or God or something bigger than that. It is me at my rawest, basest level. It is a body and a movement. Time is relative only to dark and light. Pain is either going to stop me or not – i won’t know until i get there. It is so simple it’s mostly impossible.