I live a solitary life. I said that to someone the other day.
I have been so focused on learning how to run and taking care of my injuries that all my free time has been sucked up in this vortex of exercise. Who would have thought?
Shane is off on a business trip and the time alone has made me pause to think. It’s funny because i don’t enjoy being alone. I don’t do well alone. I think it’s the evenings. Nights have always been a hard time for me. My engine revs up in the small hours of the night. The back corners of my mind open up and loops of negative energy ripple through me. I do great during the day and i find the one on one time with the kids special and intimate. We get in a routine and really reconnect. The evening hours pass slowly and calmly. We laugh and tell stories. Work together to get all the monotonous chores done. I send them to bed with hugs and kisses and happy hearts.
It’s in those quiet moments between lights out and the dreaded morning alarm that i am at my weakest, my most vulnerable. It is in those moments that i really need him beside me. To quiet my head when it races and to lull me into sleep before my mind takes over.
I guess what i’m saying is i miss him when he’s not here. Hurry home.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
This is so lovely and honest and raw. I don’t like being alone either. And I find myself to be most vulnerable, and needing, at night. Point is that I can relate.
So pleased to have found my way to your words. Look forward to reading more.
E.X.A.C.T.L.Y.
This is the hardest, darkest part of most days.
One of my favorite quotes of all time is by Anne Lammott, “My mind is like a bad neighborhood I should not go into alone”. It is so true, although I am much better now. Therapy, medication and therapy have seen to that. Good luck.
Just pretend I’m spooning you, because if I was there…I totally would.