I’ve been thinking about love. I feel myself coming to this place where i understand how to love unconditionally. To fall right into it. To let it wrap around me and set me free.
Perhaps because shane and i came together when we were really still kids and sort of tumbled our way into and out of marriage. Throwing four children and the speed that brings to life in the mix. My life for fifteen years was lived in a whirlwind that i didn’t really pay attention to. I participated. Somewhat. I was present, but unaccounted for.
My story is not new. It’s not one that isn’t shared by many. But it has been my life and that makes it important to those around me. It’s all here in the archives. Nearly six years of words and thoughts and trying to figure out who i am.
It’s taken me half my life to get to this point where i can almost say “I get it now.” I’m not here for you, or him, or them. I am here for me. To love myself means that they will love me too.
I started running again a couple weeks ago. My stress fracture is nearly healed and i have been working myself back in slowly. Doing lots of walk/runs, physiotherapy, stretching and general well-being. I ran my first race of the year last weekend, it was an 8k at a local university. It was a beautiful course along the ocean and through the woods.
It was also pretty brutal. Hill after hill. I totally pushed too hard the first 4 kilometers and then crashed. I felt like crying on a few occasions. I realized i suffer from over confidence. I had an inner dialogue that was telling me that these shorter races are “easy.” So wrong.
I have had my heart set on doing a full marathon in May, but now i am not certain it is wise. I haven’t done a run longer than 6 miles since Las Vegas and my coach doesn’t have me doing more than ten miles until the end of March. I haven’t said “no” yet, but have it in my head that i can switch to the half marathon and it doesn’t mean that the full marathon is gone forever.
Right now this is how my Spring is shaping up:
March 6 – Bazaan Bay 5k
March 20 – Comox Valley Half Marathon
April 3 – Merville 15k
April 17 – Sooke River 10k
May 1 – BMO Vancouver Marathon
May 15 – Oak Bay Kool Half Marathon
June 25 – Seattle Rock ‘n Roll Half Marathon
After that i’m not sure what the summer will hold. From what i remember there weren’t very many races in the summer months. I guess this means i like running races!
When i was pregnant with Tristan i was obsessed with GBV and Tobin Sprout. In fact that is why i have a son named Toby. GBV will be playing at Sasquatch this year and i’m psyched. In fact Sasquatch Festival is all that is on my mind at the moment!
