I call bullshit.
The other night it hit me and i never saw it coming. I should have. The mood swings, the fatigue, the anti-social behaviour, the lack of appetite or desire to do anything. The laundry piling up. The incredible shrinking me.
My mood. It changed and i didn’t notice until it was nearly too late. I thought i had this beat. I thought i found the miracle cure. I brazenly declared you gone from my life. Unicorns and rainbows forever.
That is just not true. I have an illness. I can beat it down. Run away from it. Log 1000 kilometers of running. But, dammit. It will always be there and it will always surprise me.
I’m good. I’m fine. I’m fighting. I am a little bit depressed. I will not let this get away from me. I am taking care. For him, for them, for me.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Glad you’re there Jess. Hope you can run again soon if you didn’t yesterday…
hopefully next week!
Been thinking about you all week. Hope you feel better soon, call anytime because I get it.
Thanks Jenna, i will. Promise.
miss u. love you. Fight. Run. Love.
One of my hopes for this year is to see you again.
You maybe haven’t beat it, but it sounds like you’re fighting it better.
I’m glad you caught yourself.
Thanks friend. I’m glad too.
You sound strong; like you know what you need to do.
I think it’s a lifelong thing… similar to addiction in that we must always stay vigilant and aware. The improvement tends be a slow progress over time… while it would be sooo much nicer for the whole problem to just disappear, and it’s discouraging when it comes sneaking back up to bite us from behind, learning to recognize it and catch it early is probably the most crucial step to an overall quality of life. A lesson I’ve been painfully learning myself these past few weeks. No fair – I want the miracle cure!! Take care. x
Jess the difference now is in your attitude towards it I think. You really want to fight, you really feel it’s worth it for everyone, (you included).
I don’t know much about depression, I know a few people who suffer with it, but not really well.
I just sense a difference with you now and I think thats worth your declarations of unicorns and rainbows.
I know this feeling all too well. It seems unfair that some of us have to fight so hard to keep our heads above water. I’ve been tackling my depression with exercise (no marathons, but working out every day). I think the “win” is in recognizing what is happening before you hit rock bottom. Sending you positive energy to help you change course and knock this depression back on its ass.