one year

This time last year the insurance was being sorted out on my house and the demolition was beginning. This photo was mid october, this exact day last year the house was still sitting under tarps and waiting, waiting for Llyod's of London to give the go ahead on the policy.

And now i'm sitting here in my brand new bedroom with all the pretty things i picked out. It was a wild ride this past year. As october and my birthday approach i reflect on all that has happened.

I really have made some incredible steps forward and backward. When i ran into Neil at BlogHer his first words were; "It's been a very dramatic year for you!" And yes, yes it has.

This morning i was puttering about, showering, contemplating the state of my life. Shane's house is about to sell and he's bought a new one right behind mine. The idea of the purchase is he can rent it out or he can live there. We vascillate on what to do.

I have days where i embrace this new beginning for us and there are mornings, like today, where i question the wisdom of all this. There are moments that i miss being single. That i long for those quiet evenings alone. Where i didn't have to worry if i've been loving enough.

Shane says i'm self-centered. That i only think about my feelings and not those of the people around me. I'm not sure if that's right or not. Maybe i changed in our years apart. Maybe he did. I think we both did and now we are getting to know each other again. Sure, we are comfortable around each other and know most everything about the other, but. But, some things have changed forever. We no longer have a simple kind of love. It's complicated and sloppy.

And sometimes it's really hard. And sometimes a good wrestle makes it all okay.