Today the kids are all back to school and there for the whole day. (We had a limping start yesterday with the younger three going for a three hour test run.)
We packed lunches together last night giving our best effort to include some heavy protein and a little fun.
Parker had a rocky start yesterday. He still gets separation anxiety and i had to walk out of his classroom leaving him behind choking back the tears. I really hate those moments, i feel it in my gut that it hurts and it's scary and i just want to hold his hand through the whole day. But, i know after all these years that it doesn't get any easier or better unless i do leave.
Last night he carefully picked out his clothes for the morning and set them out on the ladder to his loft bed. He was rejuvenated after a good first day and ready to face his first full day of grade two with gusto. Of course this morning at the bus stop we had to replay the anxiety and the tears and i waved to him as the bus drove off and i could see the tears and the fear in his eyes.
This doesn't get any easier. This helping them to grow independent.
Tristan and toby went off on a different bus to middle school. A first for both of them.
Tristan is looking so grown up and yet, awkwardly, still a kid. She is wearing make-up now. We share clothes and shoes and all things girly. She is still confidant, yet unsure of this new stage in her life. This becoming a woman. "Does this look okay?" She asks after putting on some eyeliner. It does look okay and i let her know it, but part of me mourns this moving away from carefree childhood.A whole new world, a tough and challenging world, is right in front of her. This time i am the one with tears and fear in my eyes as her bus pulls away.
There they are. My bookends. Oldest and youngest.
And now i am left again with my days free. To get all the laundry and cooking and cleaning done. To spend time alone. To have the time and energy to get everything organized for all the people in this family who need me to give them so much love and support.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I think – but don’t know yet – that having a child grow into a teenage might hurt my heart more than having my child go to kindergarten. I feel very far away from that point though since my oldest still has one more year of preschool before heading to kindergarten. Still the thought of my daughter putting on make-up just made me choke up a little.
enjoy the time alone! My kids are finally in grade 1 this year – full day school!! :) but now I work full time :( But I had a blissful (okay, stressful) 4 1/2 years with them, and I didn’t work at all. So I try to be grateful.
I feel exactly the same way that you do, my oldest in is high school this year we dont have a middle school where she can go in Kamloops. So you can imagine my anxiety when she walks to school, sparkling make-up on, tight skinny jeans, long sun streaked hair…all I can say is thank-god for blackberry messanger! eventhough I pester her with messages all day long I know that she realizes that Im struggling with this huge change…and huge it feels that she is so grown up and in high school, its huge to me anyways….do you remember us in high school? what found memories I have of all 5 of us…
xofiona
Oh I hate those moments too. How I wish it could be easier for the kids, but you are right, if we don’t leave them behind, they will never be able to learn independence. It’s heartbreaking, but it gets better. I just hope our morning routines are better too.