my thoughts were so loud

When we were driving away from my parents house parker shouted from the backseat "a bear! a flying bear!"
I pulled over and looked at parkers finger pointing to the sky and sure enough dangling from a helicopter was a bear. It was not the strangest sight i have ever seen, but it came close.
So this is the new year. I don't have any weighty goals, no resolutions. I know what i won't do. I won't smoke. I won't let this unquiet mind break me.
I will do every single thing i can to be calm and at peace. I will seek out the positive in every person and every single moment.
The night before my doctor's appointment last week i had the strangest dream. It was long and simple. I walked up to a man i had a crush on and i lay down and put my head in his lap, he placed his hand on my cheek and softly chuckled. We sat like that all night. My dream lasted all night. Just like that, simple, at peace, cherished.
I want to be cherished this year. I want to fall madly in love. I want to be wrapped in arms and legs and giggle furiously.
It feels like an impossible dream. That kind of love doesn't happen anymore. That is a love of youth and innocence and freedom.
I once watched a woman smash a raccoon's skull with a boulder to put it out of it's misery. I was a young girl and the image has never left my heart.
I want to teach my children the value of life. The beauty in the mundane. I want to take them to the beach and marvel at every grain of sand as it runs through our fingers. I want to take them to visit my 96 year old grandmother and show them how every line is beautiful, each wrinkle telling the story of a life lived – the glory of old age.
I want to wake up every morning to the rushing sounds of footsteps and childish excitement bursting forth in my new house.
My mum likes to tell the story of moving across canada, before i was born, and my brothers guinea pig (smuggled on) escaping from it's shoe box on that orange canadian airlines 747 and running between the feet of passengers creating a "wave" of jumping and screaming. I like this story.
My life has been so shifty lately. I imagine sitting still this year. Happily settling in for the long haul.