you may feel alone when you’re falling asleep

In the mornings, when i don't see them, i feel out of focus. Like i'm missing something, forgetting.
I sneak onto the schoolgrounds, just to get a glimpse of them. To see them. It's like when a baby is born and you count the toes and fingers, just to make sure.
As divorce papers have begun to be processed and worked out. Fists slamming down on tables. I have been feeling very anxious. Hurting all over, all again.
This was not the plan.
Anxiety has returned with a crushing force. Always when i am driving. My body starts to tingle, my mind clicks and fits and sputters.
I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Somebody hold me. Hold me.
Empty houses are unbearable. This house is so cold and dark. I've started taking medicine to help me sleep. I get very lonely in the night and i need sleep to help me escape.
I dreamt of growing old and wise. I dreamed of you.