you throw hope up in the air...
From the monthly archives:
1. my new car that i bought all by myself and has windows that work, heated seats and 4 wheel drive.
2. the stress of getting ready for the first camping trip of the year.
3. the last week of school before summer vacation.
4. lucrative and fun nights at work.
5. making the best and tallest bellini's.
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Last night the kids were looking through old photos. They were laughing and giggling at themselves as babies and toddlers. I stopped making photo albums about four years ago, when i got my digital SLR and started putting everything online and on my computer.
Parker was a little sad that there were none of him, but i reminded him that there are about a billion photos of him on my computer. The thought of getting all these digital photos into books is a little daunting.
I have had the kids for almost three weeks straight, with a night here and there at their dads. He has been travelling and there have been the birthday parties at my house. I'm a little pooped, running a little short on energy. But, i persevere.
Yesterday we went swimming in the lake after school, then for dinner at my restaurant. Eating at my workplace on my day off is not always my first choice, but the kids love going there. It's a treat for them.
After dinner we went back to the lake and we all swam around and ran along the logs as the sun set. It was really fun. Too often, i sit on the beach and supervise instead of jumping in – brrrrr – and splashing with them. I was so glad i did last night. It perked me up, woke me up and let me laugh and scream as i tried to negotiate the rolling logs.
It also gave me enough energy to give bedtime a good effort. A rousing reading of "Where the Wild Things Are" and then dancing to the song they played in the trailer for the movie. As an aside, the movie looks so good. I am more excited than the kids.
After they were asleep i checked eliza's fairy house as seen in the photo above and read her daily note. "dear juniper, i am so happy. you are my best friend. i love you. eliza." I love her little fairy life. Her "fairy" writes her back teeny tiny notes and gives her little gifts. She is always the first up in the morning and i watch her as she opens the front door, peaks out to see if there is a note. When there is she runs out and grabs it and then spends half an hour writing a new note. This week she even made her fairy a skirt out of lilac leaves and a sparkly ribbon.
Good days. Good days.
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1. wearing smocked tube tops for the first time in thirty years and feeling just as comfortable in them now as i did as a little girl.
2. laughing, really laughing, with a good friend.
3. thinking about going to chicago next month and visiting the museum again.
4. having my kids through the weekend and not having to work.
5. late, late nights at the lake – swimming until the sun sets at 10pm.
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A while ago, late at night, fueled by a need for revenge i placed a profile on a dating sight. I left it there for about eight hours, or one sleep.
As, i've said before i'm really not interested in dating.
Within minutes of placing my picture and a profile that said "i'm not interested and i'm taking this down in the morning," my inbox started beeping with messages. In that one night of sleep eighteen men added me to their favourites and asked me out on a date.
I pictured a room in a Monty Python movie filled with men in varying degrees of dress sitting at their laptops and someone rang a bell and yelled "Fresh meat!"
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I've been thinking about the difference in the way men and women are treated when a marriage ends. The different things we do. The ways we cope.
this is the worst night i ever had
Women want to swoop in and help the fallen man. Make sure he is okay, that he is handling all the extra work. Bake a casserole. Talk about their single friends.
Men want to take him out for a beer, make sure he is hanging in. But nothing to intimate. A toast to better chicks.
you won't be happy with me
Women are scared of me. I could be you. They have an idea of how hard it is, but don't want to acknowledge it.
Men are scared of me.
Someone else's might not have made me so sad
Men run fast to a new relationship. Desperation. Validation. Sexual need. I don't know.
Women retreat. Work on creating new families. A new kind of family life. Jump in to work and finances and stability. Trying to recreate what a man provided.
* "100,000 Fireflies" Superchunk and awesomely covered by Magnetic Fields.
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