i can’t see what’s coming

It is beautiful out, really beautiful. Every year when spring finally shows up i breathe a deep sigh of relief. I made it. I made it through six months of grey, six months of being cold, six months of fighting back the demons in my head.
It's hard to believe that is has been two years since my last depression started it's debilitating crescendo. That i have continued on a positive path, mentally. That despite this being two of the most challenging years for me, emotionally speaking, that i have maintained an even keel.
There have been blips on the radar. But nothing major, nothing breaking.
Toby stayed home from school with me today so that we could work on his science project together. One on one. I have been worried about him. He has been moody, constantly shifting from anger to sadness with only brief periods of calm or happiness.
I often look at my children, observe their behaviours, and wonder who? Who will be like me? Please don't let them suffer like i have and if they do, please let them have love and support and let me be there for them.
And i worry for toby. He is so fragile. He is so intense.
We worry for them. They get the best of us and the worst.
And so we spent the morning together. We built his periscope and while we fumbled with mirrors and scissors we talked. We talked about feeling sad. That we all feel sad sometimes and that it's okay because the sad helps us to see the world a little differently. To better enjoy the happy moments. All these feelings we are going through in this house are totally normal. We are learning how to make this new disjointed reality feel normal. To make two houses feel like home. To be one family in two places.