It struck me the other day that the list of things i'll never have again is getting longer. Not a great revelation, but it bothered me.
I will never wander around the park with a baby in a carrier rubbing and smelling their sweet head under mine.
I will never have the joy of toddler babble fill my house again.
I will never fall asleep in the rocking chair at 4 in the morning with a newborn in my lap.
The list is miles long.
This passing of time is such a slap. It sucks in so many ways because all those little moments of joy are gone forever and no matter how hard i sit and meditate on the memory, it is only a memory. A faint recall. The smell? I remember it was great, but i can't smell it again. The sound? It was intensely cute, heart filling. I don't remember it. I remember i loved it all. But, it's gone now.
Sure, there's still a ton of good stuff to come. Bring it on. I just miss the parts that have already been played.
solipsism
Previous post: why so looking back
Next post: grace in small things: part 16 of 365
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I know it’s not the same, but hey, grandkids! Granted it wont happen soon, but one day hopefully. :-)
Me too.
one word:grandma
I miss it, too. xoxo
this is good for me to read right now. to remind me that I may never have this again and i need to appreciate it
yeah right..things you also won’t have again..the fear of cot death, the pure torture that sleep deprivation brings,the expense of diapers, the trying to fit back into your jeans -after three kids it just aint gonna work!,a long awaited bath to be interuppted by somebody needing a juice or a boob, leaky boobs,all the STUFF you have to bring when transporting a baby..c’mon, we’ve done the hard bit..sit back and breathe hun!
I know Myles is going to be my only child and still I think I let things go by without fully appreciating them.
I truly believe that as human beings we often don’t realize the beauty of a moment until we are remembering it in hindsight. It’s sad really and I want to try harder.