I am in a funk. Feeling funky. And not in a look at my cute haircut kind of way. Life has been very difficult for a while now. Not helping is the stuck in the house in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but take care of sick children claustrophobia. There is nature, of course, but nature is stuck in a six week old mountain of snow that is now an icy, slushy, dirty mess.
My life has become complicated and i loathe complicated. I like simple easy days. Days of camping with messy children. Days of sleeping in and lounging lakeside.
I am tired of working. I haven't taken any time off in 18 months.(Yes, I had a whirlwind four day trip to california last summer, but i didn't take any time off for that. Just worked extra on either side.) I am on a four day on, one day off, three day on schedule which makes me feel guilty about not being around enough with the kids. Balance is hard to find.
Balance. I have no time to myself. I am either working or parenting these days. It is exhausting.
In 2009 i wanted to find balance. More time to do things for myself. But, there are only so many hours in a day and i am already running on a tortuous schedule that leaves little time for sleep as evidenced by the purple bruises under my eyes.
Blah. What to do. What to do.
For now? Right now i am going out to get an ice cream cone with parker.
prairie fire that wanders about
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While I know you value highly the independence that working is giving you, perhaps *this* job isn’t the right job for your life.
I’m in the same boat. Stay up too late to find that non-existent ‘me time’. But pay for it in alot of other ways.
We just keep on truckin…
Hang in there, Jess. I’ve been trying to find balance for years now to no avail.
Maybe you should talk to the boss.
Jan and Feb seem to always be this way for me. Something about the deep winter I think.
Hi, I know exactly what you mean!!! I have been this way for at least the last month, to include working ten hours extra every week on top of my 40 hours already. This may not seem like a lot, but when you add 4 kids to the mix and a partner and 4 dogs and dog shows things could get just a little crazy! Hope it gets better soon. :)
I feel the same in a lot of ways. It makes me realize that staying at home with the kids includes too much “staying at home”. I’m not one who likes to “stay at home” but when there are naps to be taken and kids to be picked up I have little option other than to look toward spring and the planting of my garden. This is giving me real joy these days.
every day I feel the same way…the constant bustle that is my life, the life that stretches me so tight that I might snap if Im stretched any further…I feel like if I stop running I will fall off the treadmill…so I keep going forward and ask myself daily “is it all worth it?” I hope so but I dont know, Im hoping the answer will present itself some day…
I am thinking of you Jess…the dark days are beginning to lift and a glimmer of sunshine is our hope that spring is around the corner…be good to your self…
love…fiona