embracing joy

I'm hunkering down for snow and christmas and family. For the first time, in forever, there will be no extended family involved in my celebrations. Just us. I've managed to get three days off in a row, the 23rd-25th then back in on boxing day evening at which point the kids will go visit their dad's family.
I am not a huge holiday person. I love the idea of family and togetherness, it's the pulling it all together that i always feel i fail a little bit at. I have really great memories of christmas as a child. I've been wondering what made those memories so strong. I think it was the simpleness of it. How happy i was to be around family for the whole day, the yummy dinner, grandparents and, obviously, presents. I loved the gifts. As a child we only got "stuff" on birthdays and christmas. If we wanted something at other times we had to save for it ourselves.
And the baking. My mom was a baking goddess. I am not. I would like to be, i have tried to be. I just am not. And the baking? It is a huge part of my christmas memories. I know i should try to pull this together, but with eliza's allergies and baking without nuts, it just leaves me a little dull – you know?
But, despite all my shortcomings as a holiday mom i am hunkering down/psyching up to put on the best freaking christmas ever starting with a screening of National Lampoon Christmas Vacation* over popcorn and sugar plums tonight.
*My favourite movie ever. I don't think i can explain the million ways it makes me happy inside and crack up in huge belly laughs on the outside, and really? what could be better.
And this video will make me dance through the day: