if we carried it out to sea

Things are going just fine without the kids. I've gotten in this zen of knowing they are okay and enjoying the break from babysitters and early mornings after late nights at work.
I spent several hours on the beach yesterday and came up with a beautiful and sad story that i think is the beginnings of my new novel. I don't think i'll save it for NaNoWriMo. I think i will start plugging away. It's exciting. Getting to be a speaker at BlogHer has invigorated me.
In previous years the days and weeks leading up to the conference had me worried about clothes and white teeth. This year i'll have none of that. P-shaw trivial worries. I'm just excited to get there. Embrace the chaos of the conference.
I feel on an upswing for no particular reason. Just happy to be alive and coming through, coming full circle.
My life is so far from perfect, but it is my little life.
I wish i had written more this year because i hardly remember a thing. This year, first year, post loss of marriage and the life i expected has been so very difficult. I can hardly give justice to the emotions that i have gone through. The complete heartbreak, guilt, shame, pride, exhaustion. Everything coming full circle on a daily basis. It has been so tiring. Just this bone weary tired. I never thought i could fight my way through a year like this, but i have.
And here i am, full circle. Off to the conference, healthy in mind and body – well healthier – and feeling ready to take it all in. This year i am not broken. I am healing. I am alone, yet loved in so many ways that were unimaginable to me in the past. I am just so grateful and thankful. Tonight i am happy.