This is a picture i took of eliza on her fourth birthday. This is what i wrote about her that day.
Today my youngest daughter is seven years old. She has changed so much in the years since i took that picture, yet held on to a lot of her little quirks. She is really a little mini-me. Feisty at home, shy with others, only a few friends – but real good friends.
She drives me crazy at times bouncing back and forth between defiant and needy. She cries before school most mornings because she doesn't want to go but, when i go worriedly check on her a couple hours later i see her running and laughing with her friend.
She is an excellent student. A real love of learning, just like her big sister. She is an emergent reader and excellent at math, yet unlike her siblings not all that keen on art.
She has outgrown most of her health issues, but still has a life-threatening allergy to peanuts and tree nuts. She worries more about this now and still won't go for playdates at other people's houses because of it. She is taking more responsibility for carrying her epipen and watching what people are eating around her.
The separation has been hardest on eliza. She is such a passionate creature and really misses her dad or me when she is not at our houses. I'm sure this is part of her worry about school each morning. She stays home way more days than she should because i am trying to protect her fragile little heart.
I love her with all my heart.
Yesterday we celebrated Eliza's seventh bithday. As a family. We had all her favourite foods and gave her a new 'very big girl' bike with gears and hand brakes. It was a very nice evening.
And then shane went home. Our two homes. That's what is happening.
Holy cow!
I guess i am speaking at BlogHer. I am excited and nervous and, well, humbled and thrilled.
I'll be speaking on Day Two in the breakout session "Who We Are: "Coming Out" via Blog."
I'm psyched.
I hope i see you there!
A few weeks ago i went for a fabulous meal at a local french restaurant. In between your appy and your main they serve an intermezzo. An intermission for your palate between two courses. Two wonderful plates of food.
I am taking an intermezzo.
The things i am going through and talking through are far too intimate to share here. I will be back soon. I will probably post some photos.
Thank-you for all your kind words and support.
These have been difficult times.
I am struggling with how much to share here and how to do that in a way that respects the process i am going through. Shane and i have been talking a lot about the mistakes we have both made, the things we would like to change and how a marriage would look if we made it what we wanted.
We are not rushing into anything. We are still separate. Living in our own homes. Splitting custody. Even continuing with some of the dividing of assets. We are not being foolish. We are being honest. Honest with the children. Trying our best to protect them from expectations. I think it is healthy for them to see that we are working on things. Not rushing.
Rushing is something that we have done too many times in our lives. Rushing into marriage and family. Rushing out of marriage.
This time we have nothing left to lose. And everything. The last thing we need is to go through all this again. Our hearts are already weak.