Now that last year is officially behind me i took a few moments today to think about the year ahead, reminisce about last year.
I looked around my home. Taking stock. The kids were running around. Playing doctor with the cats. Wrapping them in bandages, carrying them around on pretend stretchers. I was napping, helping put together christmas gifts, getting tristan's new sewing machine to work. Making snacks. It felt like home. Really like home. Peaceful, calm and happy. Comfortable. Everything i hoped for in my home.
We laughed when someone left the kitchen sink running and overflowed all over the floor. We took turns moping, skating around on the water. Declaring new years day the annual flood your kitchen day. Things that could have been stress provoking being just an accident. Just a part of the chaos.
That is how i always want my house to be. A place where we can all make mistakes. We can fix the things we can and maybe learn something from some others and forgive the rest.
That's my first goal for this year.
My second goal i thought of while i was outside after dinner getting firewood. I looked in through the beautiful leaded glass windows at the coloured lights in the living room, the kids all cozied up in front of the fire it was then that i really understood my new responsibilities. I have to take care of this home and these children. Financially. Emotionally. Physically. For five days every week i am their provider. To do that i have to keep my mental health a priority. I have to keep ahead of the tides that sometimes creep up on me. I have to stay in control. I will do that with medication, vitamins, healthy diet, exercise, sleep and moderation in all things.
The other part is money. I love being a server. It is incredibly fulfilling for me. The food, the atmosphere, the people, the camaraderie with the other servers and kitchen staff. A nightly show. A nightly escape from all the other burdens of life. But, i'm going to be too old really soon and the work is so seasonal. I'll have to be very prudent to make it through the next three months till busy season arrives again. I need to figure out what my next step will be. Maybe school. I'm not sure yet. I'm giving myself this year to figure it out.
Lastly, for me. Just for me. I want to read more, i want to write more, i want to take more photos, i want to finish my novel, i want to go to blogher again, i want to be more social. Return phone calls. Make friends. Challenge myself in one of the hardest ways for me. But, i need to do that. I need friends.
I am feeling positive. This year things are going to be better for me.
resolutions 2008
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Sounds like you’re on the right track to a good year. May it be so.
Jess, you sound great. I have total confidence in you. You can do this. It will be hard and some days will be dicey but overall you will succeed. You’ll get stronger and stronger. Happy New Year.
You can do it jess, I have faith in you.
Happy New Year Jess! You can do all of this and I know that you will! xo
I think your resolutions are good ones, and they gave me ideas for resolutions of my own. Good luck.
i wish you the best of luck in meeting your goals. you can doooo eeeeet!
Happy New Year, Jess.
I think you are brave to make resolutions – I have stopped. I make silly ones I can laugh at, but I can hardly remember a resolution I actually fulfilled. I am amazed by those of you who resolve and then take steps and do it.
Maybe I’m just lazy.
Either way – your plan sounds perfectly balanced and…kinda cozy even.
I wish you every success in realizing your resolutions for this year. I’m sending wishes of peace, strength & joy to you & yours.
Happy New Year, Jess!
Love the picture. It looks like — family. :)
Tina (from the June97 list)
this made me so happy to read.
xo
LOVE IT….YEA BABY WAY TO GO!!!!
Happy New Year, Jess!
May 2008 bring all that and more. Love to you,
I love what you said about making your home a place where your kids can make mistakes without living in fear that somebody is going to be upset at them for being human. It’s hard for me not to instantly yell at my children whenever they spill or break something all because I’m selfish and feel somehow “inconvenienced” at cleaning up the mess. (My daughter’s potty training was really stressful!) It’s really a difficult goal for me to aspire to (not so much the unconditional love-part, but making sure that they KNOW they are loved wholeheartedly).
I am sure that people who have never experienced true depression might believe that “you can’t love others until you love yourself”, but I beg to differ and I’m sure you do too. In all of the posts about your children, you describe them with love and patience. You write about the little things they do that make you smile and on days when the house is complete chaos, not once have you talked about them in a negative light. I just wanted you to know that I understand that your feelings towards yourself are no reflection on them (though crank calls/comments/whatever from people in your life last year might have said otherwise).