My little town was buried under a huge snowfall this weekend. I enjoyed a couple of snow days. Trapped in the house. Walking up and down the lakeside road to work. The soft muffle of snow all around me.
Peaceful.
No loud voices interrupting the screaming in my brain. The swirling. The swirling. It doesn't stop.
Emotions overflowing.
I am coming to terms with, accepting, my new status in the community. I will rebuild these walls. The walls around my heart. Fence myself in.
weather interrupted
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Jess, if I may, DO not fence yourself in…perhaps *fence* those hurtful people out. BUT you are a good person and YOU deserve the best, and if you hold all people out, that will mean GOOD people too! and that will not be good for you and the KIDS…your beautiful kids of your heart! STAND proud and tall, and be the strong mother and friend YOU are…sometimes it is hard to stand tall….but do it for worthwhile reasons…your kids and YOU!
Lori fellow Junemom
Damn Jess. I wish you wouldn’t. You were beginning. Beginning anew, beginning fresh. Please don’t go back to the old.
Keeping you in my thoughts.
Go ahead and build the walls if you need to to keep yourself strong and the pain at bay. Just make sure to build them in such a way that you can easily dismantle them when the time comes (and it will) that they are no longer necessary. And put in a couple windows and doors so you can see out, and let someone else in if you choose to do so.
I say go to the PTO meetings with your shiny red A showing for the world to see. Come equipped with various labels for the whole picture perfect crowd. Give overweight Judy a big brown F for fatty to stitch to her enormous sweater. Give gossiping Liza a bright orange H for hag and hand her some super glue as you offer to help her keep her mouth shut. And for Tim, the drunk who seems to think he’s God’s gift, bring a big pink L to show off just what a loser he is at life. I mean, honestly, we all have our badges to wear, life fades them and eventually we switch up our labels.
This too shall pass. Trying to find the humor helps me, and writing, you have to write. Write about pain worse than your own. It really gives perspective and it helps to clear out the pity party balloons.
(all names are purely whimsical selections, just in case I guessed the actual names of your town’s fatty, gossip and drunk…lol..oh and I hate gossips and drunks but I’ve got nothing against overweight people, I just wanted to make a point)=]