Let's talk about my children. They are awesome.
I haven't said that enough lately. That used to be my thing. Back when i could feel it. Awesome!
There is no question that i have screwed up. Believe me, i know that. When i sit at my computer, christmas lists to my left, bills to my right and a bank account at $0 on my computer screen i know exactly where i am.
When people crank call me, or crank blog comment me, or don't talk to me – i know exactly what my life has become.
Maybe i do feel sorry for myself. I do. Today i do. The best thing i can do is hide in my bed. I had a couple ativan that i used up, one by one, at each pick up from school this week.
I knew this would happen. I knew it would take awhile for all of this to really sink in. When shane was asking me to make decisions, change, sign separation agreements, weeks after we separated – i knew – i knew it would be much harder. At some later date. And here i am.
And i know i did something wrong. I know i did a bad thing. Sometimes the heart, or loneliness, make you do bad things. Search for compassion. Search for someone to make you feel like a real person again.
I worked hard on my marriage. I did everything i was supposed to. I asked to go to marriage counseling. I asked to be loved. I asked for flowers. I asked for the garbage to be taken out. I asked for a little help.
This is not all my fault.
I am telling you what i did wrong.
I am ready to move on.
My kids are awesome.
Tristan is in a play this weekend, a pantomime. It is sold out – five shows. I am very proud.
Toby is learning to read. I am very proud.
Eliza learned to knit, with needles, this week. I am very proud.
Parker is thinking kindergarten might be okay. I am very proud.
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