And i'm gonna go.
I'll be the one with dirty feet and no pedicure – well some month old blue polish chipping away.
First of all i owe thanks to so many people for big and small contributions which paid for a full conference pass. My dad bought me an airline ticket with his points. And my fabulous food stealing partner-in-crime Jenijen is putting me up in a hotel. All i need is spending money and i'm good to go.
Thank-you all so much. Really.
I know it seems odd, at the very least, or more probably crazy that i'm taking off less than three weeks after my "incident," but i really need to do this. For me.
For me. There i said it. I am doing this for myself. And nothing anyone says can stop me. I never do anything just for me. Despite the bad timing, despite my recent "incident" – i deserve this.
It has been a strange and difficult week. Hardest has been the often harsh and sometimes cruel judgement people have made about me. Friends not able to speak to me. I have been hanging low, sleeping lots, drinking lots of water and playing as much softball as possible. Plus, hours spent talking, playing and hugging my kids. They are going to be okay.
I have been melancholy. Not in a bad way. I honestly feel like the bottom has been reached. Smashed headfirst into. I have nowhere to go but up. It is a great feeling. Every day feels full of hope because it cannot possibly be as bad as last saturday.
Last saturday. It seems very far away. I never thought i could ever reach that point of despair. I never thought i'd be in a place where nurses needed to remind me to breathe.
Thank you all so very, very much for your kind words. Really.
It has helped.
jess
xxoo
they tried to make me go to BlogHer
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I will see you there and not hug you but just say lots of hellos and stuff.
:-)
SO glad that you get to go to blog her. I am jealous. If I lived closer I would polish youe nails for you. Hugs Denise
I’ll BRING the damn polish. I mean really, it’s a big slumber party with the coolest chicks I know. Can’t wait to meet you and say hello!
xoxo
good for you. Go and drink it up and store it in your heart.
Keep on enjoying your kids.
I’m very much looking forward to meeting you.
I will take you out for a pedicure. I’m buying. I have never had one and I am an incredible chicken, so if you are game I will do it to save you toe-ular embarrassment.
Good! For! You!
So glad you are going. I will look forward to meeting you :-)
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!
I am SO glad you’re coming. The more good experiences you get under your belt right now, the better. I’m so happy I’m CRYING and I have goosebumps. You? Are awesome.
xoxoxo
It doesn’t seem at all crazy that you’re going to BlogHer. Why wouldn’t you? It’s not going to make you better to stay at home and regret it. I hope you have a great time.
Your friends will come around. They probably don’t know what to say, and don’t have the benefit of the ease of blog comments or email. Although, I had an ex who told me that she was actively attempting suicide (over the phone, while I was the only person at my work and couldn’t leave), and when I found out that she’d lied, I was afraid to be mad at her because I thought I’d cause her to actually do it. Maybe your friends are angry at the situation, but don’t want to push you too hard. Or…I could be talkin’ out my ass. :)
I’m so glad you’re going. I give horribly awkward hugs, but honey, you’re getting one.
Of COURSE you need to do something for YOU!
I am so excited to see you again next week. Last year was wonderful and I was so glad to meet you.
Well I am glad another BC’er is going to go….
I have never been!
And yes you need to do something just for you. Something fun and frivolous. AND you need and deserve a break.
If you want to meet up let me know..I am staying at the W…email me.
My feet will probably be dirty too.
We’ll take a picture of that.
Glad you get to go meet loads of bloggy friends. It doesn’t seem crazy to get away after what happened. You need things to look forward to, goals to reach and supportive people around you.
“Incident”??
Whatever, you are going to Blogher. Knock yourself out.
But attempting suicide isn’t an “incident.” You tried to kill yourself and from what you say, it sounds like you nearly succeeded. Maybe you should take that a bit more seriously. Softball and a trip to Vegas aren’t going to solve anything. They’re fun and that’s great. But really what you need is a reality check.
Oh, it doesn’t look like she’s taking it seriously? Because she wants to continue with the plans she had before? What a crock.
Hey Jess, why don’t you sit in a corner and stay there until some people are good and ready for you to rejoin the world? [insert eyeroll here] Because clearly, the hospital and your doctors haven’t discussed this with you. Well, now I see what you mean about the “judgment”. Good of joe b. to demonstrate for us.
Much love, cause it’s all I’ve got.
Much love,
Hurray…That’s such great news. I think it is an awesome decision for what my opinion is worth.
Hopefully I’ll see you this year before I end up talking your ear off at the airport. I hope this will be a good time to take your mind off all the rough stuff.
You were one of my absolute first blog-crushes, thanks to intros by JenB, and I am beyond giddy at getting to meet you, finally.
I wish I were going to be in Chicago to tell you in person how much I admire you.
Have a great trip.
This will be your 2nd year right? I hope your trip goes well!
We’ve met. I’ve licked you. I’ve taken excellent photos of you.
This year I have some new things in store. We’re going to participate in some ass-kicking courses. Because I’d do that for you. I’ve led plenty of sessions myself and I have to wonder just what a powerful force you will be once you have some more of that under your belt.
Until then, however, I’m happy to do it for you. No charge. Then you’ll have spending money.
Also? Ass-kicking before toenail polish and pedicure.