Camping was amazing. The kids enjoyed total and complete freedom to just be. Normal rules by the wayside. Yummy food. Good friends. No baths.
I enjoyed being around good friends. Leaving all the stresses and worries behind.
I snuck away a few times to sit alone on the beach and contemplate life and the state of my mind.
I truly feel some healing happening up there. Letting go of the things, the feelings, that bind me. I am at a 3 or 4 now. I will never be a 10. I know that. I will always sink into despair – moments, days, weeks. But, i also have friends, family, shane. People who love me as i love them. People that never give up on me.
The kids and shane left today.
I am enjoying an amazing day by myself. Two softball games. Plenty of beer league fun.
I will be watching this sunset tomorrow.
See you thursday.
Tomorrow is the last day of school. Celebration Day.
I am so sad to be saying goodbye to 11 amazing kids. As president i make a speech and give them each a tree to plant to remember the time at our school. I can't believe how much i adore these kids. How much the moving on hurts me.
I'm excited for them. The beginning of lives ahead of them. But really? Really i don't want things to change. The school is so perfect right now. Amazing kids, amazing teachers.
I have had such a great year here. This is what has gotten me through.
On sunday we begin our summer camping adventures. I'm excited about that too. Warm days and chilly nights around the fire. Friends and conversation.
Life is good. I need to remember that.
I am underwhelmed by a few (very few) malicious coments. It makes it so hard for me to be honest.
I have, above all, tried to record an honest account of what it is like to be me.
Not you. Not depression. Just me.
I feel, so often, like life sucks. Not just in a "poor me" kind of way, but in a broader sense.
My goal in life, and to teach my kids, is that life is hard, people sometimes suck, but in the end it is family and friends that will see you through.
I am trying to say that i have had a hard day. People questioning who i am, what my intentions are. And all i want to do is hang out at the beach.
And life it keeps getting in my way.
Summer is finally here. We had our first real lake day today.
After sports day and school and busy, busy, busy.
We just met at the beach. No plans. Nothing. Just a bunch of moms and kids.
And chips. And beer.
Tired moms descended. Kids happily playing. We drank some beer, planned camping trips, bitched about this and that.
I left feeling so happy. These days are my very favourite part about living here.
And there are only three days of school left. I am so sad for that. Not because of endless days with my kids. I welcome the sleeping in, the adventures, no more packing lunches. I am going to miss playing with all the kids. I am going to miss impromptu lake outings.
They continue into the fall, but that seems like an eternity away.
The kids voted me "coolest mom." I hate to say how thrilled i was. Another mom was upset with me. How i hurt her ego. I brushed it off and said it was because i played Red Rover. But really, i work damn hard to make life easy and fun for my kids, in spite of myself, and i am happy for any acknowledgement.