good days, bad days

February 1, 2007

in fucking depression 2007!,NaNoWriMo

Are you bored of me yet? I am getting bored of me. Judging from the ups and downs of my subscribers you all are getting bored of me too.
But ha-ha! I am still struggling. Not through with all of this yet.
I had an exciting phone call tonight. A call which requires me being out in the evening (again) writing some kind of proposal. So elusive. It's not really worth spilling about here.
I enjoyed writing the minutia of my day yesterday. Amazed at how the day just kept going and going with barely a moment to relax.
I feel like i'm driving without a license. I don't know what i am doing, where i am going or how to parallel park when i want to stop and smell the flowers. Life is just a continuing round of new jobs/chores/activities every ten minutes. I'm sure if i went to bed when the commotion of the day stopped i would be a little happier. Not left to sit and ponder. But then i wouldn't see the beautiful moon that is happening.
Tomorrow i am going skating on a pond in a friends yard in the midnight full moon glow.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

denise February 2, 2007 at 2:58 am

I’m not sick of you lol. I have just been busy with Camerons specialists and appts etc.

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blackbird February 2, 2007 at 3:15 am

not
bored.

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TB February 2, 2007 at 3:26 am

Ice skating at night on a real pond sounds so lovely and idyllic. I hope you have a fabulous time and that it feeds your soul.

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Donna February 2, 2007 at 7:29 am

Nope. I may often be bored with ME, but never bored with you!

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Renee February 2, 2007 at 11:59 am

No, of course not. We keep coming back, don’t we?
Skating sounds nice.

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Chair February 2, 2007 at 12:50 pm

Bored? Of you?!
NEVER
I really enjoyed your minute-by-minute day, too.
:^)

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kim February 2, 2007 at 11:30 pm

SO not bored. Your life sounds a lot like mine. And I totally get it.

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lelly February 3, 2007 at 6:06 am

i’ve been checking up on you every day.
i get it, too.

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jenijen February 3, 2007 at 10:12 am

hi you
hope you had a wonderful time skating. it sounds so romantic and magic.
xoxoxoxo

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summer February 3, 2007 at 7:11 pm

I’m here, too.

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Sharon February 4, 2007 at 6:51 pm

Ok, Jess, I’ve wanted to say this for a while. You have all this amazing support from your readers, but who challenges you? Who says, “Why do you find ways to blame yourself for doing natural things, for example, pulling away from someone who BIT you?” I see you as this amazing person and mom who just LOOKS for ways to cause herself pain and blame herself for everything. I’m probably not telling you something you don’t already know, but life is life and its not all your fault. When you act like it is, you become a victim to yourself and all the random things that happen in our life. Its hard to read you blaming yourself and experiencing the resulting depression, etc. when its just life – shit happens, kids bite, you pull back and their tooth breaks. You didn’t do anything wrong, but it seems like you are always seeking some way to feel bad and/or be the victim. I hope someday you can stop doing that. You are teaching your kids these lessons every day, even if you think your hiding it. Its ok if you don’t want to hear this or want to block my comments. Support comes in different disguises.

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Sharon February 4, 2007 at 6:52 pm

Ok, Jess, I’ve wanted to say this for a while. You have all this amazing support from your readers, but who challenges you? Who says, “Why do you find ways to blame yourself for doing natural things, for example, pulling away from someone who BIT you?” I see you as this amazing person and mom who just LOOKS for ways to cause herself pain and blame herself for everything. I’m probably not telling you something you don’t already know, but life is life and its not all your fault. When you act like it is, you become a victim to yourself and all the random things that happen in our life. Its hard to read you blaming yourself and experiencing the resulting depression, etc. when its just life – shit happens, kids bite, you pull back and their tooth breaks. You didn’t do anything wrong, but it seems like you are always seeking some way to feel bad and/or be the victim. I hope someday you can stop doing that. You are teaching your kids these lessons every day, even if you think you’re not showing this side of yourself to them. Its ok if you don’t want to hear this or want to block my comments. Support comes in different disguises.

Reply

ade February 7, 2007 at 8:46 am

Not bored, lovely Jess…I’ve been away…and then catching up from being away…sigh.
PS. I had a laundry day like yours and I live alone!!!

Reply

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