I am trying. I am really trying.
I want everything to be okay. Just okay. Is that so much to ask for?
I have been "medicated" for three months. Or even more. I can't even recall.
Shitty things. Shitty days.
Things i can't talk about. Things i can't talk about because they are too painful.
I spent the morning getting an initial assesment for toby. A developmental assesment. It went well. Except that he was there. It was hard, so hard, to talk about his shortcomings. Flaws. Delays. Problems. With him sitting there. He became more fidgety every second. Climbing on chairs. Covering my mouth with his hands.
Asking, begging, me to go back to school.
And we did. The pediatrician has asked for a psycho-educational assesment. The only problem? The $2000 that stands between us and that assesment. I grabbed my heart, literally, when she told me.
Might as well cancel christmas. And food.
I am at a crossroads. Do i do what i think is right, causing significant stress to my spouse and family, or do i let my son slip through the cracks.
Easy right? Try living with that. With that husband.
an attempt to tip the scales
Previous post: on the second day of christmas countdown
Next post: take these gifts
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Find a way to charge it.
Find a way.
This stuff with kids makes one feel desperate, doesn’t it?
Rise above that.
Trying to deal with many huge issues all at once -with depression weighing everything down – has to be so difficult, and after three months with little change?
That’s too long a time to feel the way you do. Three months is long enough to establish a positive change. Tell the doctor it’s not working.
(Just coming through the other side myself-pulling for you with prayers.)
Ouch. Poor little guy! If you believe this step will help, and that he’ll slip through the cracks without it then, yeah, find a way to charge it somehow or borrow it. The money will come from somewhere.
Wishing you all the best of all possible outcomes!
I agree with Lissa, three months is long enough to feel a change. Please call your doctor.
As for Toby, there has to be a way. Once, a long time ago, my husband and I got into a situation where we needed $1600.00, and I called my Grandma and asked her to loan it to us. Even if you have to ask multiple people for small amounts, do some kind of fundraiser. You and your husband will find a way.
I agree with all the wise ladies- I know my parents would step in to help in a heartbeat. Families are interest free and it seems like Toby has some very good grandparents (slingshots?). Just a thought.
And Lissa is totally right- 3 months is a long time. My hubby is on Effexor and they ramped up his dosage a few times, but it does help if it’s working right- he doesn’t hit bottom anymore. And that shouldn’t be happening to you.
He won’t slip through the cracks. He won’t. Are you kidding me? You are aware and know better than anyone what he is capable of, what his limitations are, what he needs. No letters behind a name are needed for that, and you will ensure – for the rest of his ever-lovin’ life – that he has what he needs.
That having been said, even though $2,000 seems an insurmountable figure, it’s one that is easily reached if we pick away at it.
Hell…Melissa’s husband raised over $2,000 for the MS Society Marathon by
I’m not telling you to ask the internets to donate (although can I tell you? I would toss some in a tip jar.), but you’re an educated and driven woman.
Maybe call newspapers and see if they need editing work done that can be performed over the net?
Finally finish that book of poetry that Shane love so much and SELL SELL SELL?
Keep us updated.
In my previous comment, which now doesn’t make sense, I linked to Suburban Bliss’ $2,000 Pickle Challenge for the MS Society.
didn’t work, though…sorry.
There has to be some program somewhere that can assist with this. Call the Pedi’s office and ask them. Call your local Hospitals administrative offices and ask. Call the doctors office the Pedi recommended and ask.
As for the Tip Jar – I’d be willing to pitch in also!
Just wanted to give encouragement. Our son at 2 1/2 was evaluated by the county. We were told he was on the spectrum for autism, though I never believed that. But something was not right. 4 months later, with speech therapy 4x a week, miraculously he is no longer “at risk”. I learned a great deal from these speech and occupational therapists. I incorporated many tasks into our homelife that he benefited from, ways of asking him questions and ways of calming him down. He is thriving now. As for the money, it will run out in Jan. I will be selling on e-bay to offset the difference. It is $900 a month. As for the county’s eval process, it was hell and placed my son at 8 months development for some things. Do they have an autism agenda? probably, but to get govt. money, the eval. must be objective, not subjective. So the test was standardized and didn’t take into acct. that he was upset that his truck was taken away just before the eval with 3 strangers began. I have little respect for county therapists. As for the depression, it WILL pass and ease. Definitely talk to the Dr. 3months is long enough. Never give up!!! I was suicidal for 15 years, went on the right medication for 4 months and bam, gone. I have been off meds and the depression has never taken me that low again.
You can’t cancel Christmas! It will be there with or without presents or a fancy dinner! That’s not what it’s about anyway.
Your post the other day (yesterday?) said you want to teach your children that Christmas is about more than “stuff.” Here is an excellent opportunity. A family sacrifices to help each other. It’s like a marriage – for better or for worse. Whether the needs comes at a convenient time or not.
You can do it!
Speaking as a mom of a 5yo DD with a mood disorder and ADHD, don’t let your son slip through the cracks. The sooner you can get him evaluated, tested, whatever…the sooner he can start receiving help in the methods he needs.
Return the stuff to Costco and visit “thrifty” websites that will probably have some ideas to have a very frugal Christmas with what you already have. Talk it up with the kids and they’ll probably get into it.
God bless you!
Debbie
toby is worth it, is all i have to say.
Why does everything have to be so hard?
I have every confidence you will find an answer, but rest assured I’d pay for that chap book or put tips in your jar.
Thanks again for still writing what you can.
I apologize for not knowing if this is correct for BC or not, but can’t you utilize your school or do you have a regional center that specifically deals with these issues????
It all seems overwhelming when your body is out of balance. I hear you saying the meds aren’t working. Remember the airline analogy, put your own oxygen mask on so you can help your child.
Take care of you first and then things with toby will work out and become clear.
Breathe and trust, it will work out. He has you as a Mom and you just stated your intention to never let him slip through the cracks. You love him as he is, he is his own Best Self. Sounds like he is different than the regulation kids who fit in the narrow parameters that teachers are taught to teach. He learns different, but not wrong. I know you love him for who he is just as he is and that is what matters most to these kids.
And I believe there is always more than one way to get help. Take care of you first and it will all become clearer.
Sending you so much love and light, I know the darkness you are in all too well.
Hugs
While I am not dealing with a child with any delays, I know from observations of others it is a challenge even when you feel your best. You’re Toby’s mom, you know what is best for him, children slip through crack when no one is looking and you are looking .
Three months, you should feel different. Talk to the doctor. Also, I know this takes money but it often helps, have you any other type of therapy for yourself with a counselor/therapist? Even a few sessions might make a big difference. It is just so hard when you feel like you are wandering around in the dark with no light.
Oh babe.
jonny460
You can do it! I have a son with aspergers syndrome which is a form of autism. Utilize you communities services – start by calling your local human services – maybe they know of some resources you can use. I found my sons phsycologist at the local University for 75% less the cost of anyone elase, and he also specialized in autism. As for Cristmas, I know it’s hard but think of how many awesome Christmas’s you’ve had and will have with your wonderful children. I will be sending good thoughts your way:)
I was happy to watch it –
[url=][/url]
I was happy to watch it –
[url=][/url]
I was happy to watch it –
[url=][/url]