No, i didn't figure out my camera. I returned it and bought a new one. If you are a Mac user, buy Canon products. Endorsement free.
I have taken a break from talking about me.
My life has been busy.
I am doing well. No sleep. Food? Going down okay. Except now i am obsessed with my weight.
This should really be in bullets shouldn't it?
I am in the middle of getting an official diagnosis for toby so that i can access some well needed grant dollars. I am more than sad and confused by this decision.
But, the more i talk to his teachers, therapists and the principals at the school, the more i understand that there is something there.
But, there is also something about labels. Speech therapy is one thing. But, a son who is still not completing his grade one learning outcomes, is falling behind in other subjects, is harder to handle and generally letting us know that something is up. That is a whole other thing.
I am so worried about putting a label on him. It is fine now. Or it would be fine in our current school and situation, but, he has the rest of his life after that. The decision i make now could very well change the path he takes.
It is harder than i can say to take this step.
And that is all i have to say today.
As toby got in the car to go to school this morning he looked down at his feet, in sandals! but, that's another story, and shouted:
"Oh my god! That is evil!!!!"
"What?" I asked him looking down at his feet.
His toenails had been painted blue.
"You painted your toenails?"
"NO!!!"
I looked over at tristan and she is covering her face to hide how hard she is laughing. She painted his toenails while he was sleeping, knowing he insists on wearing sandals.
We gleefully walked into school telling everyody to look at toby's feet.
As it turns out i am not a luddite. Future Shop, even after i asked, sold me a $1000 camera that is not compatible with my computer.
Stupid future shop.
Stupid sony camera.
Someone searched my blog for dumbstein. I love that word and plan to use it daily from now on.
I am such a dumbstein.
Fall has fallen over my valley. Chilly days. Short days. Dark in the morning when i wake up. Rain every night. Driving to school all the cows and ponies born in the spring look down forlornly at the dewy cold ground.
Last night i lay in bed, my heart full of despair, my brain rattling horrible thoughts.
I felt as though i needed help. I imagined checking myself into the hospital. How i could explain that to my children, the people who see me everyday.
I woke up this morning feeling a little better. A long sleep, made more easy by some clonazepam.
I am trudging through these days.
There has been a cougar in our yard. It killed all my chickens, except for three. My lovely stanley is still alive. Watching over the two last americauna hens. They refuse to go in the coop or the safety of their houses. They disappear at dusk every night. I search the yard and the trees with a flashlight. Hoping to find them. Get them to safety. I never find them. I go out every morning. Listening for stanley's little old english chatter. Hoping they are still alive.
They are. For now.