Despite my past complaints about attachment parenting i am dreading the end to my little family bed. There was a period of time when we had two queen sized mattresses on our bedroom floor with five of us sharing – that was a little too much for my claustrophobic tendencies. But, now that we are down to a normal bed with our last little baby sleeping between us i am in co-sleeping bliss.
I have been lucky with bedtimes because as the (formerly) nursing mother i had the baby all to myself. Shane put the other kids to bed. Somehow i have held on to this routine. Now that parker is in that funky needing a nap, but not really needing a nap stage, on the days he does nap it can take an hour or more after stories for him to fall asleep. On nights when i have a meeting i freely let him nap his heart out during the day because i know i won't have to deal with the extra long routine.
Mostly though, we climb into bed, read a few books and i sing him a few songs while tickling his back and he drifts quickly and sweetly into sleep. I often lay with him a few extra minutes just to breathe in his still sweet toddler breath and study his little face, trying desperately to hold onto all the little toddler nuances. The still turned up nose, the chubby cheeks, the open-mouth breathing. Last children are so bittersweet. Although i would like to have time alone in bed with shane, i find myself discouraging the big boy bed we bought parker at christmas that sits unused beside ours.
Often, in the moments between wakefulness and sleep parker and i whisper sweet nothings to each other. I kiss him and tell him how much i love him. That he is my baby. He always answers the same:
"But mom, i'm a little big boy."
"yes you are. but you're my baby too."
"i love me mom."
"i love you too."
This year parker has spent many afternoons playing with older boys. He's even had a few over for "playdates." Tonight as i was putting him to bed he told me he wanted to have a sleepover with roman, his favourite eleven year old.
"but where will you sleep?"
"i'll sleep with his mom and dad."
I don't ever want this to end. This parenting babies and toddlers and preschoolers too. All of it. It goes by so fast.
don’t let my baby grow up…
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Oh he sounds just like my little Peter. Peter is now five and still begs to go to bed with me. He cuddles and kisses me all over. He’s just the sweetest baby and he too is my last! :(
I know, Jess! I know. It’s so hard. Morgan is 11 now and still occasionally cuddles. Does that help?
Like you said: Make it stop.
It goes way too fast.
I think I’m scarred for life by Alex’s baby and toddlerhood – or maybe it’s still really fresh in my mind. Sometimes I feel robbed of going out on a high note like this.
Though, I can relate to the innocence and cheeks and baby fat. When I put Alex to bed I kiss his feet, he loves it. They’re so fat and delicious. Every time I do, I wonder what he’ll be like as a teenager and I’m not ready for what any of them have to throw at me just yet! I want them all to be frozen and forever stay 9, 8, 5 and 3.
…I whisper in Youngest’s ear:
whose baby are you?
and he says: yours!
and throws his arms around me.
From experience I know that I have about 2 – 2.5 years before he will stop.
I already mourn it.
ok – DA-AMN, WOMAN!
Must I begin the day with tears in my eyes, weeping for the children I have not yet birthed growing up too quickly? Really?
Beautiful and touching – thank you for sharing that precious moment.
My baby is going to Kindergarten this year and I feel the ‘little ones’ years of my life slipping through my fingers. It really is bittersweet.
I agree. I’m going to be SO SAD when the baby weans. I won’t know what to do with myself. The baby time is too short.
And that is the most AWESOME photo. LOVE IT.
Oh that is so precious. We didn’t co-sleep because my husband is a cougher/hacker/get-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-peer. I do remember laying down with Dawson though and he had that sweet, peaceful toddler look. I love that.
oh, what i have to look forward to! i want babies NOW.
Yep. You always say so very well the things that I am feeling. Can I move to canada now?
Oh… last night I had a total experience like this but couldn’t think of how to put it into words. Reading yours recaptured what I was feeling when I tried to breastfeed my 2-month weaned baby because it was so late and he was so sad and he smelled so sweet and he was nuzzling in like he was hungry and who am I to say no?
He didn’t remember how and wondered what the heck I was doing. I want my little baby back.
I love the ebb and flow of independence versus cuddle-time. But my kids are still so young that the latter outweighs the former. I am encouraged by Mocha’s comment, and by my own brother who at 27 years of age is still quite tender with our mother (but out of sight of anyone!)
Whilst the here and now is great [thank goodness] one of the little known [spread] facts about being a parent, is that fortunately, no matter what ‘stage’ you are at, the next one is even better.
Cheers and best wishes to you and yours
Iam already mourning the loss of my babygirl, and she is only 3! I do not welcome her birthdays, isnt that awful??! Simply because I dont want her to grow up, I dont want to lose her, I know all too well how it ends. Right now I have the most sweetest relationship with her, she loves me more than anything in this world and needs me so. I have a 14yr old girl too and our relationship is at its worst, she cant stand me because I have to be her parent, if you know what I mean. She is so moody and difficult and all she thinks about is her friends and boys, but my little 3 yr old cant wait to cuddle with mommy at night and shes the sweetest little girl, Id rather cuddle with her than anyone in this world!! I find myself worrying about when she grows up and away from me and I have to stop myself so I can enjoy the precious moments I have before they pass by. So hold onto your little ones as tight as you can for as long as you can, they really are Gods Gift.
Jenna.
sometimes when i look at her i feel sad becuase i know she will never look this way again. Im going to miss her like this . she is only 8 months and i see how much she has grown already