Do you get this email, like 75 times a day? I do.
I'm watching "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" as we speak. I remember it being a little too old for me, which made it way, way more tantalizing.
But now? Now, i have an 18 year old babysitter, and her boyfriend and her? I know that they are, you know, doing it. Although that is perfectly okay. She's 18. She's graduated from highschool, she's responsible and, in general, a really great girl. I trust her with my kids. That's saying something. But still.
What freaks me out? I have a nine year old daughter and the days go slow, but the years fly by. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. Tristan will have her first sex ed class next year. Next year!
How? How do you deal with that?
Tristan asked me today why all her friends parents are "40-something and you and dad are so young?" Although i was flattered i had to remind her that when parker is 9 i will be in my 40's (gulp) and while "daddy and i had our kids young" it was not necessarily the best thing to do because i gave up a career to be at home and have babies. And! "having babies and being a mom is a good thing, but also doing what you want is important too."
It's all so complicated. I want them to respect what i am doing. Believe that it is important. But, at the same time, i want something more for them. I also want them to experience the love that i have. The sheer joy of motherhood.
How do you teach all that?
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Heh at watching Fast Times. I’m appreciating that movie more now than when it first came out. ;-)
It’s really hard, this growing up thing our kids do. I don’t have any answers and I have 2 grown up kids and 1 that is very close. It’s still hard, every single day, for me to watch them.
I don’t think you teach it, Jess. They will find it all out on their own. I’m sure my mother never thought I’d marry a guy a decade my senior and have a baby at 26 (she was from the ‘wait and have a life first’ school). But this is my life, and it wasn’t all planned this way, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You can’t shape their lives, you can just support them, and you DO, so well.
Trends wax and wane, so they will figure out “career-first,” “baby-first,” “neither,” or “both simultanously” based on peer influence and their childhood experiences.
Like Ellen says, it is all about support.
But I am totally with you: I want my kids to respect me and the decisions I have made, even if they chose something different.
It is tough!
…with help!
with family, friends, and maybe church school.
with trust…and sometimes anti-anxiety medication.
My oldest is 11 and this year had a sex ed class, although we had talked about all that stuff a couple years ago. Dr. Ruth has some amazing sex ed. books for kids, we have all of them because she is the grandmother of one of my daycare kids. Very age appropriate books and info. And the best teaching is through example, if you are happy, they will be happy and their happiness will guide them to always do what feels best for them, whatever that may be.
You don’t need to teach them anything (as far as motherhood vs. career). Just believe in what you’re doing and be happy with it to the best of your ability and they’ll find their own ways.
As for sex. Whooo boy, it does sneak up fast, but in my experience a whole lot depends on the child’s chosen peer group and what they’re into. The age of peer pressure (10-14) is a tough one. Especially for girls, I think.
I completely relate to the whole “children growing up” scenario. Even though Dawson is almost two, I dread the days of sex ed. We’re Catholic and I don’t want my son to learn about sex from school. I want to teach him, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready!
Sex ed at 10? Oh, gawd! I forgot that we had our first class on that subject in 5th grade. That seems so young to me now. Bah!
I’m in the “do what makes you happy” camp. You have to do what fulfills you, I believe. Whether that means staying at home or working. Your kids will be much happier if you are. My mom had no choice but to work full time when I was growing up, but we have an incredibly close relationship to this day. It’s not always about quantity, but definitely about quality.
You can’t teach them.
Well, you can but you can’t MAKE them do anything.
My oldest daughter is 18 and my youngest child is 2.
You can only do your best.