When i was young i was painfully shy and had social anxiety – not much has changed actually. I remember dreading going to birthday parties, playdates, school, gymnastics – anywhere. My little Eliza is the same way. She is perfectly happy to be with me all the time. She even pouts when i go out and leave her with her dad or grandma. I push her a little, but not too much because i understand.
The other day we were at the grocery store and an older grandma type in front of us tried to talk to her; the usual "what did you get for christmas?" Eliza ignored her, looking away pushing her tongue into her cheek ( a nervous habit). The lady then turned to me and proceeded to give me a huge lecture that went something like this:
"She doesn't talk to strangers?" "You know you CAN talk to strangers when mommy is around!" Eliza continued to ignore her. She went on…"It's a shame what you mothers are doing to children. They need to learn about community and watching out for their neighbours. You should really sign her up for a grandma program (?) and break her of this bad habit."
Ya da ya da ya da yawn. She went on and on like this. Never mind that she's not MY neighbour and sure as hell not part of my community. I was feeling pretty mad. My blood sugar was also dropping really fast and all i wanted to do was pay and get the hell out of there so that i could eat an orange.
So, finally she moved on to torment the cashier with her order of fifty little bags of bulk food and checking every single price and scan. I noticed at the end of her order a tub of tofu.
"Hey! I need tofu to go with the snap peas!"
And. And you know what i did… I stole her tofu. I picked it up from her side of the little divider bar and put it on mine. I watched carefully to make sure she didn't notice. And well Bobs Your Uncle!! She didn't notice and i did the highly civilized thing – stealing from a grandma!
OMG and WTF! I don't know what i was thinking. I'm gonna have to buy a lot of Tupperware from grandma down the street to make up for that one.
Surely i will pay for this at some later date
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Ha! A little personal revenge is a beautiful thing. :)
Kudos to you! I, myself, have had the exact same experience with my child several times – although, not due to shyness. My boy is unable to talk – try explaining that one to the old biddies in the grocery store! Generally I just resort to telling them he is deaf to avoid long drawn out medical explanations. And while I have never had the balls (or fore thought) to steal from one of these grey haired hooligans I shall remember your post and be on the lookout for their tofu!
You did not! That is hysterical. (and grandma had tofu? That is odd!)
I LOVE that. I told John and we both decided that you are our new hero.
You inspired me to go post about the time I flipped off the pediatrican.
Grandma or not … What a bitch! I get seriously pissed off when people tell me how to raise my kids. I once had an old man tell me he was glad to see I hadn’t aborted Kristyn despite being so young and unmarried (I was 21 and married!). That I didn’t “give in to the devil”. I told him to fuck off in the bank.
Well.. if she didn’t actually pay for it yet, then it wasn’t really stealing, then, was it? Dirty and nasty, yes, but thieving? No.
You rock.
I had an opinionated lady at the farmers market corner Theya and I yesterday but at least she was full of praise that Theya was munching on a carrot instead of cookies ‘like all of the other kids out there’. I didn’t have the guts to tell her that Theya ate 4 cookies in the car on the way there.
this is like, the BEST THING EVER.
Very nice revenge. How presumptuous (sp?!!) of that old lady to lecture you just because your daughter wouldn’t respond to her! Some people are just unbelievable.
I keep imagining her at home unpacking her groceries, checking the receipt – wondering if she’s finally losing it. Mean, ,mean, mean,
*snort* That’s awesome. I’d have done the same thing.
That’ll teach the old bitch to mind her own damn business. That’s priceless!
I think I love you *wink*
oh jess, you are so hardcore. I love your stories.
that lady so deserved to have her tofu stolen.
oh YEAH!!! totally awesome.
What is it about old bitties? I had one in a grocery store tell me I should watch SuperNanny to get tips on how to control my screaming child (who was 13 months old at the time and there is NO REASONING with a 13 month old), and another growl at me to take my kid home (she was around 18 months old and crying because I made her stay in her stroller). Geez.
And this is why I read “mommy” blogs – because I want to know what happens with you guys at the grocery store. Seriously, every time something out of the ordinary comes up, I’m always hoping the mom (it’s never a dad) has a blog.
But tofu stealing, that’s a new one. It would be almost impossible in Las Vegas – no one eats tofu here…except at Whole Foods, but they’re across town, so we barely ever get to shop there. Well, that and because it’s really expensive. Tasty, but expensive.